I have been a good actress my entire life, have never felt the need to share my thoughts or feelings, and have had a lifetime worth of practicing a steady look and a smile while I fume and fret inside.
I am so used to controlling myself in front of everyone that I do it unconsciously with my family and friends too.
The irony now is, I am fit to burst. The time when I realised that I needed help was when I actually wept in a friend’s car for the smallest reason about two weeks ago, I know I was ashamed of myself and that I probably frightened him, especially since he was rather panic stricken (Do all men panic when they see a woman crying???)
I think to myself everday, that it’s time to be myself, just let go and let people know your true emotions and everyday, my instincts take over and I just push myself through the day, bottling it all in.
And I am going to use the rest of this space to say thank you to two friends, without whom I would have definitely ended up in the loony bin by now
1. To my friend who loves talking to me when I am drunk since that’s when I am myself (or so he claims), thanks for putting up with with my ramblings at such times
2. To my wonderful ex-roomie and great friend who patiently answers the phone everytime I call her and entertains me when I am bored
I love you guys. Thanks and Hugs. 🙂