Tasmanian Devils and Indian Gods

Tasmanian devil – I first learnt of this monstrous animal a la’ Disney, where this animal would be introduced to the plot as a whirlwind, devouring anything and everything in its path to satisfy its hunger.

As a rabid Indian cricket fan, I have earned the right to liken the Aussies to Tasmanian devils and the Indian team members to Gods of lore such as Hermes. They are, to a nation parched of sporting heroes (since we do not recognise sports other than Cricket anyway), our sole pride and honour, sons of our soil who can do nothing wrong.

We will question every Aussie cricketer who had the gall not to walk when they knew they were out, even if the only cricketers who walk nowadays can be counted on the fingers of one hand (foremost among these being the wicket-keeper of the said Devil team). If you tell us that one of these men should have walked out in the 30’s instead of going onto make that huge ton was right in staying on at the crease, we will have our knives sharpened and at your throats before you finish that thought. It does not matter that we should have tried and got his wicket after that opportunity gone waste, we are Indians and we have every right to shed tears over decisions that definitely lost us our draw/victory.

Those who point out that the Indian team lost three wickets in that magic over of Clarke’s can take a hike, we are used to that sight (the Indians losing wickets when they seem set on course to winning) and do not condemn the team for that. A particular match in a World Cup tourney comes to mind, when we successfully lost in the last over to a team from Africa when a little known man called H.Olonga came on to bowl. Again, that is our prerogative, we will blame the opposition when our team loses unfairly,and when they are comprehensively beaten, we will break a few windows of their houses to show them our support in bad times. We are the Indian cricket fans.

As for the monkey business tried by the Tasmanian devils, if (rabid Indian fans are directed to take note of the “if” in this sentence) Bhajji did say the “M” word, then I am afraid that the suspension was pretty fair. We, as a civilization, believe in the sanctity of racism (the Brahmins can nod all their heads at the boycott racism parades, I want to see them agree to let their sons/daughters marry outside their castes without making a melodrama out of it) as long as we are the ones practising it. Hypocrisy is the middle name of the Indian cricket fan and we will defend, to the death (of other teams and their fans), our right to practise it.

Finally, I am livid (I am serious here) about the umpiring, its ok to have a few going against you on a particular day, but not over an entire test match. That stretches even my belief a bit thin on the impartiality of the ICC refrees and umpires.

I am now on my way to break a few chairs and burn effigies of the Tasmanian devils and chant slogans, those who wish to join me may do so in their own living rooms and offices (just turn off the smoke alarms please).

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