These are things I wish I could tell certain people someday:
1. I really do not want to see any more snaps of you coming out of the water a la’ Craig, especially since you do not look anything like him.
2. It’s none of your business as to why I am not dating anyone. Yes, I could be lesbian! And yes, I would love to join you for dinner and the works, provided, your wife joined us and made it a threesome. This way, me and she have wonderful company and you can still check for other women who might be interested in you.
3. That 45 minute walk to office today was worth it if only to see your face as I threw down the last bit of money I had at you and turned to walk away from the restaurant.
4. I really am human. Do not expect me to respond to what you think I should do, I respond to what you do and say.
5. You are the first human being I ever hated and no, I am not trying to hate you. I already do.
6. Telling me that for a woman, I seem pretty smart or that my looks misguided you on my brains is not a compliment from any angle. It just shows your mental ability (or lack thereof).
7. Ask me to behave like a lady when you behave like a man, not before.
8. Yes, I did kick you where it hurt, but think of it this way. It really wasn’t of much use to you anyway. (I am talking about your “self-respect”). And I don’t care if you are my “boss’s boss”, you still are a jackass.
9. If you are engaged, you are in a commitment. Don’t ever tell women that you are free just because of the “unofficial” tag in front of that engagement. We know how Tamil weddings work!
10. Drop dead. I really am not interested in you or what you have to say, even if you are the highest paying client we have ever had. You are just a pompous self-inflated dumb person masquerading as a sensible role model in your company.