Conversations

At dinner on Thursday:

“So…”

“So….”

“How are things in Chennai?”

“Not bad”

“By the way…”

A try to lift one eyebrow sardonically, utterly failing and settling for a lopside grin and clenched teeth

“Have you stopped drinking?”

“Sorry?”

“Well, I heard from an ex colleague of yours that you were well-known for being a party person”

“Hmm hmm”

“So, have you stopped?”

“Why?”

“You are married now right”

“Yes”

“And?”

“Oh, the last time I drank, I threw up on the person sitting opposite me. I am thinking about it now”

Silence.

“Shall we get the cheque and leave?”

Why would you discuss any person with ex colleagues? And as long as I am good at my job, what does my personal life mean to you? (Come to think of it, it is none of your business regardless of my performance)

And why does my marriage and any changes post that interest you? The one change that you should be thankful for though is my increased patience and the new polite positive attitude I am trying to cultivate.

Rant for the day

(Yes, the rants are back. Did you really expect me to be sunshine all the time now?)

Why do people think that they can get away with awful manners just because they are at the top of their profession?

And why do they not understand that the people waiting on them at their tables are not their servants?

Gah! And to think you are being tarred with the same brush just because you are with said brutes for dinner!

The worst part of it all, boasting about it and explaining how you made them think twice about serving you right to your underlings who hang on every word…I can only agree that you at least spoke the truth, even if you have no grace, charm or anything remotely resembling sensitivity.

Reality Checks and Updates

Sometimes you need a rude shock to get you to look up and face the truth.

I was working so hard and so late for a couple of months until spells of niggling chest and back pains and dizziness forced me to go for a check up.

The result: Hypertension (though it was just one day, the next day we went to the doc and pssh! it was gone).

Which is funny since I usually am considered calm and competent (my boss will never again look at me the same way).

So, I cancelled a few business trips, was forced into bed by the Man who now checks to see that I do not overdo it.

To think that I am only in my late twenties and have already to check my stress levels really irritates me, but so does the fact that I see sunshine maybe one day in a week (if I get really lucky).

And as I sit here thinking, I know that my lifestyle is not going to change anytime soon, my boss will still give me impossible deadlines, I will still try and cram in too much in a day and I will continue to feel ill most of the time.

Unless I make a stand. And I made that stand today in no uncertain terms to my team (and boss) and wonder of wonders! they actually seem to understand what I am saying (the first time too). I have cut back on my work hours (a little but still that does help too), have begun to meditate forty minutes a day (on the doctor’s orders) and am eating healthy – the point being I really did not need this to happen to know what I was doing was wrong. I needed it to happen to force myself to change. And I ask of you people just this – do not wait for a similar incident, it’s ok to pull back and tell others you cannot do it, it’s ok to insist that you get weekends off.

Especially us Indians who think we have so much to prove to the world that we let go of our health and personal lives, it just is not worth it. So get up and get moving (away from the PCs and laptops) and have a healthy and wonderful life (and the hell with deadlines and stuck-up bosses).

Random thoughts

Why do you insist on bleeding me dry

Of all emotions

Till I become a haggard and dry prune

While you run behind the juicy berries

Again?

If my death means your life

May I die over

Again and again;

And if the only payment

You want for a smile

Is my pain

Then laugh aloud

For I am now

The way I was when I first came here;

Resembling a foetus

Which has been torn free

Of the womb

Far too early to survive.

Ramblings

And so he weaved in the Jasmine

Through my hair

And began to caress every strand

Breathing in the fragrance of the flowers

As he would every night;

And as they were crushed beneath us

We breathed in their death

And were more alive then

Than ever before.